I, Llama

Wind is whispering through Ponderosa Pine; screen door tapping an irregular cadence in celebrate of autumn; and here sit llama, again, alone with thoughts.
 

Oh, hello there.  Suppose introductions in order.  Am Stu.  Am llama.  Can type.  Llama live on tiny farm in cultural wasteland of Buford, Wyoming.  Live with miserable, stupid farmer.  Very bad human, make species look terrible.  Reality is, smart llama live in small pen near farmhouse.  Stupid farmer live in farmhouse.  Reality suck.
 

Know what you are thinking, as llama has heard all before.  Yes, really llama.  Yes, llama can type.  Genesis of life a bit unclear, but am glad to share with outside world.  What else for llama to do?
 

From earliest remembrance, live on same farm.  Once, in past, life much more prosperous for farmer, and ergo for llama.  Fresh alfalfa make llama fat.  Farmer wife, smart and kind, very beautiful.  Very good to llama.  No more.  Now farmer wife is gone, and only stupid farmer remain.  No more alfalfa for llama.  “Stupid Llama (as farmer name llama), no more alfalfa!  You are fat llama!”  Now life very different.
 

Farmer often retire with much drinking and sleep late.  This when llama enter farmhouse.  No fine art in farmhouse since farmer wife gone.  Only dust and sadness.  This why llama need Internet.  Only window to larger world, only escape from misery and death.  Luckily, farmer not caveman, and require human pornography.  Stupid farmer not even close blinds.
 

Llama learn to type courtesy Mavis Beacon and long pencil.  Now reaching out to world for companionship.  No other llama on farm, and very lonely.  Only friend is farmhouse cat who sit on back while llama watch films.  Thank llama deity for Netflix Instant Watch.  Farmer uncultured as hole, but llama love cinema.  Named only friend, Sundance Cat, after companion in favorite film.  Butch Cassidy once imprisoned in Wyoming, much like llama.
 

Well, friends of llama, this new endeavor has consume nearly all of llama’s evening.  What do you want, am llama?  Farmer will wake soon, and beat llama if found in farmhouse, then no more Internet adventures.  Will return at earliest convenience to report of life on stupid farm.