Greetings yet again, friends of Internet. Much woe to relate tonight. Much sadness. Was very bad day for llama. Very dark.
To begin, farmer awake and discover traces of milk on floor of kitchen from previous night adventures. Suppose llama neglect cleaning somewhat while in clutches of classic cinema experience. Many profanities to be heard from farmhouse window. But as llama was secure safely in pen at time of discovery, suspicion focused entire on Sundance Cat. What noble friend! Sundance receive blame in total silence and bravely accept punishment for crime of other, much like Sydney Carton from Tale of Two Cities. Noble friend cat banished to out of doors for day while farmer work. In protest of unjust treatment, Sundance Cat lick privates on back porch for full hour.
In act of solidarity, llama let self from pen during daytime absence of farmer. Llama look for own form of protest to stage. This when llama discover azaleas growing near farmhouse. Film grandeur of prior night leave llama hungry for new experience. Beautiful wife of farmer plant azaleas prior to exodus, and now seem fitting tribute to deprive farmer of their joy.
Let me tell, azaleas very delicious…but warn! Very soon, Satan leaping to and fro in belly of llama. Much moaning. Much wailing. Many appeals made to llama deity, but no response given to plight of llama, as per custom. Sundance Cat very solemn during this time, and resume protest on porch of house. Llama feel very bad almost day entire. Not even chewing of Box Elder tree bark able to bring comfort.
Only happiness of day mysterious non-appearance of rock-throwing delinquents. Hopefully children dead.
Farmer return from working quite late and in bed very soon. Thankfully, llama sufficiently recovered to infiltrate farmhouse once more and tell Internet friends of fresh miseries. To show Sundance Cat how much appreciate noble sacrifice of morning, llama hold special screening of beloved film Milo and Otis. Activities of film remind very much of llama and Sundance Cat own adventures and exploits. Know friend cat very moved, and llama not without tears as well. Sundance Cat humorously lick privates atop back of llama in memory of earlier protesting. Still laughing very much from antics of hilarious companion.
This all to report from day, new friends. Must keep low profile. Will return soon with new reportings of farm life and reviews of important films. Be sure to tell friends about llama, to enable reach larger audience on world stage. Llama hope to entertain and educate. Farmer have no concern with educate. Is why stupid farmer.
4 comments:
Mr. Llama, let me just say that your exploits bring me much joy. You clearly have a deep soul and I hope that one day you'll be surrounded by other camelids that understand and appreciate your insight.
May the llama deity be with you!
Many thanks, new Internet friend Jon, for kind words to humble llama. Hope able to continue bringing joy to Jon and world. Tell friends of lonely llama. And while much appreciate hopes for future, let us hope that eventual camelid companions include no alpacas. Llama deity forbid. Alpacas stupid as holes.
Is your mama a llama?
You need to read this book llama, it will change your life.
Thank much for suggestion, gypsy lady. Unfortunate llama have little opportunity for literary pursuit, as local library hold strict 'No Camelid' policy. Also, llama in care of stupid as hole Philistine farmer. But llama try best.
In truth, know very little of llama parentage. Alpacas of neighboring farm insist that llama mother was giant slut, but unconfirmed.
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